me and my loves.

things i've really liked lately, in no order:

- plain yogurt with strawberries.
- ryan seacrest (i probably confess my love for him once a day. in a completely friend like way.... like, "pleeeeaaaze be my best friend!")
- trains. DUH. (it's my dream to go on a train vacation all over america with andrew, my family, and ryan seacrest and possibly his radio show too)
- watching every episode of stargate sg-1 with andrew (because atlantis and universe are SOO not awesome.)
- phillip defranco's puppies.
- chris harrison and bachelor pad. (HAHAHA!!! also, chris harrison and ryan seacrest are bffs.)
- slothing around on my last day before returning to work. (tomorrow, yay! paying bills, yay!)

ANNND
the baby sweater.

oh, cool. armpit shot.


i've only finished one sleeve, and i've yet to tie off the ends, but I CAN TELL IT WILL BE CUTE.

sometimes i compare myself to others, and i get caught thinking i'm better than them in life,and i convince myself that things are okay because i'm better than so-and-so, who is so stupid and it's all her fault, blahblahblah. but, here's the thing: sometimes, things don't go my way, and i have to remember that even though it seems like my enemies are getting everything they want, and i'm losing everything, really, god is in control, and he is full of justice, and i'm no better than anyone else, and also, it's not a competition, and there's not really winning and losing.

so to god be all the glory and may i be as nothing.

i was going to type something long and stupid. then i typed it. then i read it and thought about it and realized that i'm a huge, ungrateful jerk.

so i erased it.

but you should all know: i'm an ungrateful jerk.

part of it was about how much i don't like alabama. that part, i feel, is still relevant.

a lot of things in my life have been transitioning lately. there's the move to alabama from georgia (still convinced that georgia is a superior state, even after a year here. what can i say... i'm a snob). then there's my wedding and subsequent marriage. (which is wonderful, but still a change) not to mention my brother growing up along with me and the hard transition of being his big sister through that. oh, and my job situation.

the truth is just that things have been changing in my life for at least a year. so, this most recent change, while it came as a little shock, really isn't unusual.

our church is ending, and we are all moving on from the ashes of what i am sure used to be a vibrant community, though to me, it was a simple blessing from god in the form of friendships in a place i didn't really want to live. i mean, that was an issue by itself, because i know god called me to move here and be with andrew, but let's be honest, once i got here, i whined. through all that whininess, i did have the hope of new friendships to look forward to, and while i wish i could say that it cured my whining, it didn't. haha, i kept whining, but those friendships are wonderful, and i can at least say that i don't hate it here anymore. (georgia is still better... i will go to my grave believing in its superiority!)

anyway, things are changing, and while change is sometimes something i don't relish, i think that the changes in my life right now are good. i know that the lord is good, and that there is a season for everything, and the season for our little church was ending when we came to it, so i feel blessed to have walked there for a little while.

out of desperation and an attempt to enjoy some water in this oppressive heat, andrew and i went to the creek and walked around. we would've gone to the swimming pool, but it's closed. again. i think our apartment's swimming pool has been open a total of 3 weeks this summer. but, what can i say, our apartment complex got a review of 17% satisfaction on apartmentratings.com. that is astoundingly bad. anyway, i still like it here, despite all the complaining others do, and the fact that i didn't have doorknobs or kitchen drawers for about 2 months after we moved in. haha! always an adventure.

we had fun in the stream. it was an all out alabama adventure. HA HA! no, really. i liked it.

i went to the beach at panama city with amy and ashley, two of my favorite college friends and it was awesome. drove through the back roads of alabama and saw the sights. wish i had pictures of some of the rich culture here in the great state of alabama, beginning with a sign on the interstate that said:

Go To Church Or
THE DEVIL WILL GET YOU!!

.....and ending with a brewthru in panama city beach. yes, you heard me, a brewthru. that's a drive thru liquor store.

anyway, those were hardly the highlights of the trip, because the beach was so great. but i mostly just did nothing and knitted. the hotel was wonderful, although we did have some jokes about the huge amount of feathers floating in the the pool, in addition to a few empty cans of natural light, the world's most disgusting beer.

so, now i'm home, embattled in a war against energy loss in my apartment. i think i am winning this week, but there's no telling. i've been sewing a lot, with my new-to-me sewing machine, which i got at a yard sale for $5.

yes, it is a singer sewing machine. in perfect working order. just needed some oil and grease. i was really beside myself with glee when i bought it. i'm pretty sure andrew had to hold me down just so i didn't float away on a cloud of my own joy.

well, until another day, when i get around to blogging again. (because, let's face it, blogging isn't a serious hobby of mine.)

better than the real thing.

just realized i tagged "reative energy" in my last post. not sure what that means, but what i meant was "creative energy". i am feeling pretty reative lately though. bet you wish you were as reative as me.

i've been toying with this idea i have of making a blog where i say all the things i think, with not much of a filter as far as content goes, but i think that could quickly spiral out of control as far my learning how not to shove my foot in my throat. in other words, i think i would soon begin to become my online persona that says things with no regard to others feelings, and i think that's bad.

however, i like the idea of having a blog where my identity is obscured and i can say things with no regard to who reads them. which, of course, means that if you wanted to read this new blog i make, you'd have to happen to stumble upon it, because i won't post it here.

but since i'm thinking of leaving you with no return address, i hope you'll console yourselves with THIS. just close your eyes and think about how much better these guys are than the real thing.

maybe i'm going somewhere.

I DID IT.

now, unemployed, i sort of feel like i'm out of control, but i am just so relaxed about it. as mama described it today on the phone, "yeah, lindsay, on paper, you and andrew really look like you're in bad shape, you know, you just quit your high-paying job for nothing and andrew never finished college.... but i know you're just doing what god called you to do, and you're happy, so it's okay."

mama always has a way of saying things that almost comes off like an insult, but i know she really means what she says in the best way. she loves me.

i'm just learning so much right now, like how living comfortably just really doesn't mean shit. in fact, i am so much happier now that i'm drying all our clothes on our porch and thinking of ways to make beans and rice appetizing twice, maybe three times a week. it's amazing how obedience, something i once thought would enslave me to poverty, has set me free!

i was living in such a toxic environment in my work. being a nanny is a wonderful job, but the stress of working for the parents i worked for was just choking my spirit. i miss the baby already, but i know 2 things:

1. god called me out of that season of my life, after many months of begging on my part, and I CAME OUT WHEN HE CALLED!
2. he is a good god and he will take care of the baby better than i ever could.

i've been thinking a lot about what to do with this opportunity god gave me. i've come up with a few goals. number one. vacuum the house once a day. (overkill this is not. the people who lived here before were truly disgusting and the amount of dust is insane) number two. write more. in my journal. on this blog. on pieces of paper i find in my purse. i just want to remember that i am a creative person, and that my spirit was pressed, but I AM NOT CRUSHED!

anyway, the bottom line is that from the surface, my life looks like it is in shambles, but i feel victorious, because god is so so so good to me.

here is a picture from one of the happiest days of my life (i'm sure there are more happiest days to come, which is why i can't say THE HAPPIEST.... man sometimes i get too specific with thingsDARN. but you know, what about when i have babies? don't you think that will be right up there with when i married andrew? or when i get a puppy? HAHA.)