Sunday, February 19, 2012

i've been watching my parents be grandparents to my son, and it's been such a sweet time for me, not only because my baby will only be a baby for a little while, but also because i remember when i was little how my grandparents were the best to me. as i grew up, i realized that i had been blessed with grandparents who really loved me, and loved spending time with me, and that meant a lot to me.

i guess grandparents have been on my mind lately because my grandpa frank is dying. he is in the last season of his life, and it's a sad time for all of us. i took micah to visit him again last week, and i' m not sure what i was expecting, but it was a hard visit. my grandpa frank always invited me to ride along with him on errands and he took me fishing and taught me how to tie knots and he was always up to something outside... cooking fish or tinkering with fishing rods or tools or plants. i spent a good percentage of my lifetime's summers in his house.

and although the reality that micah will never know him like i knew him has always been real to me, i guess it had never sunk in until last week when i saw that my grandpa would, for real, never go fishing again. he would never take my son fishing like he took me and my brother fishing. when i realized how sad that made me, i recognized why my parents always took me and daniel to the nursing home to visit their grandparents: my great grandparents, and why that was so important to them. i wish that micah could ever know grandpa frank like i know him. i wish that he would get to do all the things i got to.

so, one life is ending and another is just beginning. it doesn't make it any easier. nothing makes this any easier. let's all be honest about grief. nothing makes grief easier. it is hard. i don't think i'll ever stop missing my great grandparents (who i did have the blessing of knowing, well into my adult life) who are now with jesus. and i know i'll never stop missing grandpa frank, when his time to go home to jesus is here. i am so thankful for his life, though.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

he came. he's beautiful. i now spend all my free moments knitting or staring at his adorable little face. i can't describe how motherhood has changed my life. check back in ten years, because i think that's how long it will take me to collect my thoughts.