Wednesday, October 14, 2009

wednesday, a day i could've slept more.

last night, i couldn't sleep very well at all, for two reasons:

1) the people who live above me enjoy dragging large objects across the floor and stomping around like rhinos, especially at 10:30 pm and 1:15 am.
2) i was thinking about how i can knit more often, and what i want to make.

combined, these two reasons meant that every time i calmed my mind down enough to drift off to sleep, the Loud People Upstairs began to frolick about. about the time they quieted down, i would be halfway to being able to quit my day job and make a living by selling my knitted goods. in my mind.

if only i could knit and make things for a living. i know i've said before that i wouldn't like to be my own boss, and i think running a business would be a pain... but i would like to make things all the time, and if i could make even just a little money from doing it, that would make me so happy. i love being a nanny, but there are some very stressful and exhausting parts of my job that sometimes are enough to make me want to give up, if i could. it's not like motherhood - there's no unbreakable bond, and you don't have the final say.

this has been a hard week, but - and as pathetic as this sounds - having some time to knit and just think about things has really helped me get by. don't misunderstand: i do like my job, and it's exactly what i wanted. i'm just really exhausted lately. my mama said something really wise to me yesterday: "lindsay," she said, "just remember that god sent you to this little girl to love her when her parents aren't around, so if you give up, who will love her?" then she said, "but leave your love at work. she's not yours, so just leave your love there."

so here's to everything having a place, and to letting things rest where they land.

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